OhanaSecure Teen Guide

Teen Social Media Safety Checklist

10 platform-by-platform steps. Covers Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, Discord, and more.

1. Step 1 — Instagram

   Set up Instagram parental supervision and lock Teen Account settings

   On your teen's Instagram, go to Settings & Activity → Supervision → Invite supervisor. Accept from your own account. Once linked, open Instagram on your phone → Settings → Supervision → select your teen. Turn on "Require supervisor approval to change settings" so they can't disable restrictions without your approval. Confirm their account is set to Private and that DMs are restricted to followers only.

   Talk track for your teen

   "Instagram built a supervision mode specifically for teens — it's not me spying on you, it's the app itself putting guardrails in place. I'm linking to your account so I get a dashboard of your activity summary, not a feed of your posts. Think of it like seatbelt laws: I'm not saying you're a bad driver. I'm saying the road has risks that have nothing to do with you."
2. Step 2 — Instagram

   Turn on "Sensitive Content Control" and enable hidden words

   In Instagram supervision settings, set Sensitive Content Control to "Limit Even More." Then go to your teen's Settings → Hidden Words → turn on "Hide comments" and "Hide DM requests" for offensive words. Also turn on "Advanced comment filtering." This won't catch everything but significantly reduces exposure to hate speech, eating disorder content, and explicit material.

   Talk track for your teen

   "Instagram's algorithm is good at one thing: showing you more of whatever kept you watching longest. If that happens to be content about body image or self-harm, it will serve you more of it — not because anyone's targeting you, but because that's how recommendation systems work. These filters are a first layer. The more important layer is you telling me if something you see feels off."
3. Step 3 — Instagram

   Set a daily time limit and enable "Take a Break" reminders

   In your supervision dashboard, go to Time → set a daily time limit (most child psychologists recommend 60-90 minutes for teens). Enable "Take a Break" reminders every 20-30 minutes. You can also set "Bedtime Mode" which mutes notifications and shows a reminder at a set time — set it to 9:30 PM on school nights.

   Talk track for your teen

   "These apps are designed by some of the best engineers in the world to keep you on as long as possible — that's how they make money. The time limits aren't a punishment for using Instagram. They're protection against a product that is literally optimized to exploit the part of your brain that's still developing impulse control. Adults fall for it too."
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Red-Flag Apps — What to Do
4. Step 4 — Telegram

   Have a direct conversation about Telegram — then check if it's installed

   Telegram is not appropriate for teens. It has no age verification, no parental controls, and "secret chats" are end-to-end encrypted with auto-delete by design — creating a communication channel with zero visibility. Telegram has been directly implicated in the distribution of CSAM (child sexual abuse material) and in coordinating sextortion campaigns targeting minors. Don't ban it silently — have the conversation. Check their phone for it (iOS: search "Telegram" in Spotlight; Android: Settings → Apps). If found, remove it together, not unilaterally.

   Talk track for your teen

   "I want to explain exactly why this one is different. Telegram has secret chats that auto-delete and can't be read by anyone — including law enforcement — after they're gone. That's the feature that makes it attractive to people who want to exploit teenagers. It's not that I think you're doing anything wrong on it. It's that the app is actively used by people who prey on teens, and because the messages disappear, there's often no evidence left when something goes wrong. It's not a risk I'm willing to take with you."
5. Step 5 — Snapchat (High Risk)

   Understand the real Snapchat risk — set up Family Center, disable Snap Map, and have the sextortion conversation

   Why Snapchat is now High Risk: Snaps disappear by design — which is exactly what predators rely on. Sextortion on Snapchat works like this: a stranger (posing as a peer) befriends your teen, builds trust, asks for a photo, then immediately threatens to share it unless paid or given more. Because messages vanish, teens often feel they have no proof and no recourse. They don't tell parents because they're ashamed. This pattern has led to teen suicides. Bullying via Snapchat is also uniquely hard to document — the evidence deletes itself.
   
   Setup steps: In Snapchat, go to your teen's profile → Settings → Family Center → Invite parent. Accept from your Snapchat to link. Family Center shows friend lists and content exposure categories — not message content. Go to Snap Map → settings gear → set to "Ghost Mode." Also go to Settings → Privacy Controls → set "Who Can Contact Me" to "Friends Only" and "Who Can See My Story" to "Friends Only."

   Talk track for your teen — this one matters most

   "I want to tell you something about Snapchat that I need you to actually hear, not just nod at. There are people — adults — who spend their whole day on Snapchat pretending to be teens your age. They build real-seeming friendships over weeks. Then they ask for a photo. Once they have it, they threaten to send it to everyone you know unless you send more. This happens to smart, careful kids. It has happened in our area. And because Snapchat messages disappear, teens often feel trapped — like there's no proof, no way out, and no way to tell a parent without getting in trouble.
   
   Here's what I need you to know: if that ever happens to you — or to anyone you know — you will not be in trouble. You will not lose your phone. I will not be angry. I will help you. The people who do this are committing federal crimes. But I can only help if you tell me. That's the whole conversation. Can you repeat back to me what you'd do if someone tried that?"
6. Step 6 — Discord

   Audit which Discord servers your teen is in

   Ask your teen to show you their Discord server list — treat it like checking which clubs they joined at school. Age-restricted servers (18+) require age verification but teens easily lie about their age. Red flags: servers with adult-only tags, invite-only servers with no context, or servers with very large numbers of strangers. Enable "Safe Direct Messaging" in Discord settings → Privacy & Safety → set to "Filter all direct messages." Turn off "Allow direct messages from server members" on any server where they don't personally know everyone.

   Talk track for your teen

   "Discord started as a gaming chat tool and it's still great for that. The issue is that it also has servers for everything imaginable — including a lot of adult content that's technically restricted but easy to get into if you say you're 18. I'm not assuming you're doing that. But I want to look at your server list together — not as a punishment, just as a regular check-in, the same way I'd want to know which clubs you joined at school. Which ones are you actually active in? Show me."
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TikTok
7. Step 7 — TikTok

   Enable TikTok Family Pairing and set DM restrictions

   On TikTok, go to your teen's profile → Settings → Family Pairing → Teen. Scan the QR code with your TikTok (or create one) to link accounts. In your Family Pairing dashboard, set: Screen Time Limit (recommended: 60-90 min/day), Restricted Mode ON, Direct Messages OFF or limited to "Friends only." By default, TikTok accounts under 16 cannot send or receive DMs — confirm this is still the case and hasn't been bypassed.

   Talk track for your teen

   "TikTok's algorithm is genuinely one of the most powerful recommendation engines ever built. That's not an insult to you — it works on everyone. The reason I'm setting a time limit isn't because I think you can't handle it. It's because the app is literally optimized to make you feel like one more video won't hurt, and then one more, and then it's midnight on a school night. Also: if you ever see a DM from someone you don't actually know — even if they seem friendly or share your interests — screenshot it and show me before you respond. That's it."
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Cross-Platform Rules
8. Step 8

   Set all accounts to private — and verify it stuck

   Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, and most platforms have a "Private Account" toggle. Go through each one and confirm it's on. Then verify: log out of the app, search your teen's username — if you can see their posts without following, it's not actually private. Some apps (like TikTok) require separate settings for profile visibility vs. content visibility.
9. Step 9

   Disable "Allow others to find me by phone number or email"

   Every major platform has this setting — it lets anyone who has your teen's phone number add them or find their profile. Turn it OFF on: Instagram (Settings → Account → Contact Syncing), TikTok (Settings → Privacy → Suggest your account to others), Snapchat (Settings → See Me in Quick Add), Discord (Settings → Privacy & Safety → "Let others find me" options). This one setting closes a common vector for stranger contact.
10. Step 10

    Do a "stranger DM" check — and set the rule

    Look through your teen's DM requests or message requests folder on Instagram, Snapchat, and TikTok. You will almost always find stranger messages. Use this as a teaching moment, not a gotcha. Research consistently shows teens respond better to clear rules with reasons than to monitoring-only approaches — and to parents who stay curious rather than reactive.

    Talk track for your teen

    "Let's look at your message request folders together right now — not because I think you're hiding something, but because I want you to see what's actually in there. Most people find strangers they never noticed. If you get a DM from someone you don't personally know in real life — even if they follow a bunch of the same accounts as you, even if they seem around your age, even if they just want to talk about something you're into — bring it to me first. I won't be angry. I just want to see it before you decide what to do. That's a rule that protects you, not punishes you."
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The Conversation
11. Step 11

    Establish three rules — together — and write them down

    The research on teen online safety is clear: teens who feel trusted and heard are more likely to come to parents when something goes wrong. Set three household rules together (not imposed): (1) Never share personal info — real name, school, address, phone number — with anyone you only know online. (2) If someone makes you uncomfortable or asks for photos, tell a parent immediately, no judgment, no consequences for coming forward. (3) No new apps without checking in first. Write these on a card. Review together every 3 months — their digital life changes fast.

    The conversation that matters most

    "I want to make one thing permanent between us. If anything ever happens online that scares you, embarrasses you, or makes you feel trapped — even if you think you made a mistake that caused it — I am the first person you call. Not after you try to fix it. Not after you ask a friend. Me, first. There are no circumstances under which coming to me makes things worse. There are many circumstances where not coming to me does. That's the whole rule. Can we shake on it?"

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